she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
