I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You smell like stripper and shame
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
