the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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