He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
