You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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