oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
