You really coming over, don't trick.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
