why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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