i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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