if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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