Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
