carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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