I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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