Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
