im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
