please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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