my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
