why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
