Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
