Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
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I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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