Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
