If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
