So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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