the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
