Your dad touched me again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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