Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
