i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
