Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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