Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
