mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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