I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
