If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
