Will you blow on my dice?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.