Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Will you blow on my dice?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!

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(708): View more from Illinois

After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."

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29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Read it at the TFLN blog
(612): View more from Minnesota

a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.

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(315): View more from New York

making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

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(631): View more from New York

she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?

(516): View more from New York

nope.

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(914): View more from New York

I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.

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(303): View more from Colorado

well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.

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