they're staring at me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.