Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.