well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.