the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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