No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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