Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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