Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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