Tell her she can't have a vagina
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
