Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
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Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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