But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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