I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I puked a lego.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize