Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
