hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
