I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
