hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
