and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
