He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
