it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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