Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
