My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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