He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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