You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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