unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
