If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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