He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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