All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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