your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
