My brain says no but my pants say off.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
