I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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