I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize