I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
