So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
