did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
