He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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