you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I enjoy the company of your penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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