it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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