It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
