weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
