the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
