I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
