I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
