I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
