I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
