I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
