i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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