i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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