Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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