cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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