you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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