he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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