I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
