a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize