Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
