Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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