you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
